RANT SESSION EPISODE 3: BBN: The “Audition”

Before I say anything. This is a disclaimer!!! If something on this article offends you, the following list of sampling entities you SHOULD NOT blame

  • My Mother
  • My Brother
  • My Dogs (Please let’s leave innocent pets out of our relationship)
  • My Employer
  • My Cousins
  • My Employer (please, I really don’t want to lose my job)
  • The Avengers (Okay, blame at your own risk)

The following list is a complete, unabridged, 100%, undeniably exhaustive record of entities that you SHOULD blame.

  • Me

All that being said, I hope in all seriousness, given the theme of this session, we can move beyond blame. Everything here is alleged and based on assumptions. If you disagree with some things, I would welcome a discussion. It would be my privilege to learn from what you have to teach me. With that being said:  

Hey guys. Welcome to another episode of talking to myself. You know what? I don’t even know why I do these when no one reads them. However, because I have no other means of communication, I will continue. Anyways, since BBN has just started I decided that I will be talking about Big Brother Nigeria and not in the way you think. We will be discussing how the show makes people think they audition people for the show when they don’t. Okay so BBN is a reality show where contestants live in an isolated house and compete for a large cash prize of $100,000 at the end of the show by avoiding being evicted by viewers. I’m not here to tell you not to watch the show because it is obviously entertaining and addicting. 

There is something about many people stuck in a house without connection to the outside world that just hmmm… gets to me. It’s not what you think, you weirdos. On a serious note, it’s appealing to see different people with interesting personalities. It’s clear that the show sells well because many people relate to varieties of the housemates and no doubt due to these die-hard fans and sponsors, the show clearly makes a lot of money and I can’t even be against it, that’s what TV is about.

Now I’m not here to talk about how scripted the show is because literally, everyone knows that TV shows are scripted except you live under a rock though. I am here to talk about how the show constantly gives its fans the impression that they “Audition” people. Yes, the audition is in quotes. I mean at this point I am still wondering why and how people still go for auditions when you know it always ends in tears. I’m all for getting the bread and having hope but it’s as clear as day at this point.  I don’t have much knowledge of BBN so I will try and use my vague knowledge.

From what I know and from my research, BBN housemates were never “normal, basic” people before they got on the show. It doesn’t really help the people it claims to audition to get a platform.  Don’t get me wrong everyone that got into the house worked their lives off to get there and they deserve it but they are not nobodies. Before you come for my neck, let me explain. Now look at most of the housemates that have stepped into that house; do they look normal? They all have connections one way or the other. For example Kiddwaya, Venita, Nengi, Tacha etc. were all successful to an extent before the show. I mean Kiddwaya’s father is a freaking billionaire!!!! Does it get better than that?  However, I’m not going to deny how the show gave them more exposure, die-hard fans and obviously more money than they had before.

My issue is not with the housemates, but with the show and how they constantly try to portray that the auditions are very random when it’s not. I mean people that get into the house have actually made it, are almost there or are literal celebrities. An example can be seen in this year’s BBN. Let’s use Liquorose. Now I don’t hate her. I think she’s talented and she deserves a spot because she worked too hard to get where she is now so congratulations to her but for the love of God, she’s already a celebrity at this point, she’s pretty much popular.  Like its TV, I’m sure many people won’t be pissed if you decided to pick people that didn’t audition. In fact, if you try to put a bunch of influencers in the house, the show would sell more. I just hope they would stop playing on the narrative that auditions are fair and are for everyone when they are clearly not. I feel bad for the ones who constantly go to their auditions every time in the hopes that they’ll get in when they only have a 0.001% chance of actually getting in. I know it’s the life as a hustler and it’s hard.  My advice to the show (not like it matters) is to do one of two things; get actual influencers that would be housemates to auditions and let people know about it (which is a much better idea if you ask me, like it sells) or do the public a huge favour by picking people that actually auditioned and have the potential to be TV stars (in my opinion, it won’t sell as much as the influencer’s idea). However, they can’t do this. Instead, out of the millions of people that attend auditions, probably 2 to 3 are picked and that’s it. The other 18 are basically picked on prejudice, is it fair? No. Is it a good thing for the media business though? Yes. That’s what will get them clicks and that’s fine. The show can run successfully without an audition but how else would they allegedly get those sweet audition money.  

As a treat, I’m going to actually tell you how to get into the house in case you still want to. It might look like I’m being sarcastic but from what I have noticed, there are only two true ways to get into the house. I’m not going to sugarcoat it and give you false hope please. Taking the truth is not easy and you just have to accept it. The first way is by Luck. This is for people that attend auditions. Okay, I know telling you that you need luck is not the best answer but it’s accurate. However, the most obvious answer people will give you is to have a crazy personality; not something that will get you into a mental institution, but something that will make you stand out. Everyone knows that you need to stand out in everything you do in this life. You have a better chance if you have qualities that would bring them money. In other words, know how you can get them more audience in case you are selected, either through positive or negative ways, that’s your decision. However, this would only give you a better chance at getting noticed, it might not get you into the show. Sorry to say but you need luck because you’re not the only one that would stand out. I know this isn’t the advice you were looking for but someone has to say the truth so good luck!!!

Another way and the easiest way to actually get in is by connections and having a platform (clearly). Here’s how this works, have a platform where you would connect to people and form networks in the media world. It doesn’t have to be a personal connection, although in Nigeria, personal is the best way but we don’t all have that luxury. So in the case where you do not have those personal connections, a professional one can work. Someone who knows you have what it takes can go a long way.  In other words, be an influencer, build your platform, and be known in the media world. And if you’re lucky, someone could recommend you as a housemate to the producers, you could get an exclusive audition and you’re in.

Now all this being said, I don’t know if this is how it works because I am just using my little experience in the media world to write this so you can take it with a grain of salt. As I said, it depends on you.

In conclusion, if you are looking to be a BBN housemate, good luck. You need an immense amount of it, connection and a platform (at least to a significant extent). If you don’t have these, you can only go so far. Well, I think I stepped on too many toes this time and if I did, I’m sorry but it needed to be said. Anyways, I will see you guys next time I have the urge to talk to myself. Byeeeee. 

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